shy guy

why am I so shy at the moment.
it's silly...psychology suggests you should never edit what you are about to say. I feel small and failed. funny funny dumb. I am only posting about it cause i think i'm getting over it - emotions are hilarious in hindsight. I want my work to do hindsight. In my favourite old house in Can up on the grotty cold kitchen wall is a scrunched up note smooshed out agian, old blue tac bleeding through the corners. Ugly green pencil oval. It reads 'second best potato'. My nickname at art school, Kato Potato and sometimes just potato. I earnestly wrote the little drawing about boys and left it on the kitcehn table. I really really meant it. Ouch. On seeing it the next time scrunched it up - chucked it. embarrassed emabarrssed. When I found it again I was in a better mood- and it got a second chance- its made me laugh so, so much. What a pathetic potato am I! My old house mate likes to tell this story and gauge peoples reaction to my self hatred - he says people are a little awkward afterwards - shuffling on their feet- I don't get why, they don't get it. Don't we hate ourselves too.

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